


it's hard living with this

by sundrymunity



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, Social Anxiety, it's actually called being friendly and pushy but kenma doesn't care, kuroo being a bully, mostly a bully
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 05:50:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1846726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundrymunity/pseuds/sundrymunity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a series of one shots dealing with growing up with social anxiety and kuroo</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. go away

**Author's Note:**

> do you ever just "get used" to someone rather than liking them

Kenma wishes Kuroo'd just go away.

He didn't like making friends - he couldn't, he wasn't able to at all - so it was obvious that the other was just playing around with him. Kenma steadfastly watches the sun crawl across his desk and feels tears prick at the edges of his eyes as the door swings open in the classroom, the other elementary schoolers shushing as a boy a grade higher walks in like he owns the place. He might as well.

Kuroo Tetsurou is the bane of Kozume Kenma's entire existence.

"Kenma! Let's go outside and play some!" Kuroo doesn't even get to his desk before he's calling out his greeting, and Kenma sinks lower into his seat as his classmates look over with whispers. That quiet kid by the window? What's a fourth-grader want with him? Is he being bullied?

Go away, go away, _go away_.

Kenma closes his eyes and lays his head down on the desk, not answering Kuroo until he feels a hand on the back of his hoodie. "I'm tired."

"You're always tired. Come on! We'll practice your receives more! I found a great spot for it, and we can eat lunch too! Have you had it yet? Didja eat something good? Auntie always makes good food, so I bet so." Why does he talk so much?

(In the future, Kenma would find the long conversations less one-sided and more comforting than annoying.)

"I had it." Kenma shifts uncomfortably at the stares of others, fully aware of every whisper, and he could swear they're blocked out as Kuroo moves to pull him out of his seat. "... Let go."

"Can't hear you~. You speak too quietly, Kenma."

"I said..." Kenma tries to tug away from Kuroo, but the stares are becoming too much and he's going to make a scene like this, so he resigns himself with a small huff. "... Let's go."

That's what he likes to hear, Kuroo does, and Kenma's just thankful to get away from his peers.

Though his stomach drops like the volleyball on his face when he remembers he'll have to go back.


	2. just a little

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kenma gets used to being alone again, except not really

Kenma isn't sure when he let Kuroo close.

Maybe it was when the other was in his last year of elementary school and Kenma was a little - just a little - anxious about being alone.

"We'll still hang out," Kuroo said as he tossed the volleyball and grinning at Kenma's near perfect record at this point. "Don't think you've gotten rid of me so easily˜."

"That's too bad," Kenma replies as the next ball sets high enough to pass any net, "I wanted to finish my Monster Hunter game."

Kuroo feigns hurt and they play a game of receives, pretending to forget what Kenma really means with his fidgeting and odd focus on what he usually considered tiring.

And yet, the older by a year seems to get it, laying around in his room in an impromptu sleepover. Kenma's used to it - to a lot about Kuroo if he's honest - and they live on the same floor... So it's no trouble. It's not like their families are strangers either.

Kenma stretches out beside Kuroo, back arched against him for a moment, and settles just in time to tense up again.

"You'll be okay."

Kenma doesn't really reply, just grunts and wishes Kuroo hadn't tossed their bags so far, and he feels the other scoot closer and half-hug him. The sudden contact makes him turn around, intending to bore his eyes through a thick skull, and fails to hide his surprise at the serious look Kuroo gives him instead. Kenma's stomach lurches and his chest tightens, but his body relaxes when Kuroo presses their foreheads together.

They've known each other for almost half a decade now. It shouldn't be surprising anymore.

"I'll be waiting for you, you know. I'm not playing my best without you."

Kenma ducks his head down, burying it into his own jacket, and mutters a soft reply. "You're fine without me."

It's the other way around.

Kuroo sits up, scooting off his bed, and Kenma looks up when he hears the familiar music of one of his favorite games. The other looks back at him, waiting until the first controller's been taken before getting a second.

Kenma isn't sure what this is all about, but it chases away his anxiety as he ruthlessly crushes their opponents. It's fun. It's fun with one person, but--

"It's funner playing together," Kuroo speaks his thoughts outloud as the round's complete. Kenma watches the screen steadfastly, trying to ignore the riptide threatening to pull him under again, and wonders when Kuroo's shoulder bumping his became less annoying.

For a year, Kenma runs to the gate a little too fast and watches for the familiar comb of his (best) friend.


	3. as silly as it sounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it happens more often during a certain period of kenma's life, and he wants it to stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> deja vu ft. girls

"Who's the kid,Tetsu?" It's not in a particularly mean tone, but Kenma still flinches away a little at it.

Kuroo looks back at him, then grins at his apparent friends. "Kozume Kenma! He lives nearby, so we're friends. He's pretty shy though."

Kenma scowls slightly and pinches Kuroo's back, holding onto the middle schooler's uniform as he watched Kuroo's friends. They're part of the volleyball team, Kuroo had told him. They're your future teammates.

He takes a shallow breath and releases it, "Hello."

The two boys laugh at him, but Kenma feels at ease when they complain about Kuroo and make fun of the growing boy.

It's about halfway through Kenma's first year in middle school - it's daunting, but at least he still remembers the people in his class from the year before - when he catches Kuroo watching something other than the ball. It plops onto his spaced out head and he jolts, scowling at his laughing peers before chucking the volleyball at them. Kenma looks around, wondering what had stolen his attention, but finds nothing out of the ordinary.

When he asks, Kuroo looks away as he spins the volleyball between his hands, and mutters something about Kenma getting it when he's older. His cheeks are flushed, but it could just be from practice... So Kenma leaves the topic, asking Kuroo to come with him to a store instead. There was a sale today.

Kenma catches him again when they're out, and with nothing to distract him he follows Kuroo's line of sight to two girls. One's light haired and laughing, too far to hear, while the short hair of her friend is the first thing Kenma notices about her. They're close, holding hands as they walk across the street from them, and Kenma purses his lips when he sees Kuroo follow them until they're out of sight.

He's not sure why.

With definite proof, Kenma asks him again, and this time Kuroo sighs as he stirs his ice cream into soup.

"Girls are kind of pretty," he explains, but Kenma shrugs. Okay. It doesn't explain away his feeling, though... "I'm just starting to notice how many there are."

Kenma wraps the hem of his shirt around his thumb once, twice, releases, and averts his eyes from his cup, appetite gone. "Okay."

Kuroo can't go home with him today. He told someone else they'd go to karaoke together. Sorry.

Kenma nods, acknowledging the apology, and sinks into his seat a little more. Kuroo ruffles his hair - he's been doing that more, the jerk, since he'd been sprouting up - and laughs at the annoyed look sent his way, waving goodbye and saying he'd still come over to play.

Kuroo keeps his word, but only after dinner, and Kenma pretends he's sick when the other asks about him from his mom. He feels sick anyway, so it's not exactly a lie, and his throat tightens when Kuroo hesitates, then says "Okay, well, I hope he feels better."

He doesn't go to school the next day either.

There's no way to really avoid Kuroo, since he lives nearby, so Kenma does his best sick impression with three blankets suffocating him and a half drank glass of water by his DS. It's okay if Kuroo comes up, he lies to his mom, he'll be fine.

Kenma isn't fine.

Kuroo can tell right off the bat, and Kenma can tell he does. The older boy's lips tighten into a frown and he sits on the ground by Kenma's head, awkwardly long limbs splayed out. Kuroo's growing well, according to both their moms (and a number of girls at their school, the flip of his stomach reminds him), but Kenma doesn't know it that's true or not.

"Was it because I came over late?" Kenma stays still, then shakes his head slightly, blankets drawn up to his chin. "Then what? I'm not gonna know what's wrong unless you tell me, Kenma."

Rather than tiredness, there was a certain and honest hurt in Kuroo's words. Kenma stares at the back of his friend, wondering if the broading shoulders came with the package, and tugs at the edge of his shirt. Instantly Kuroo's eyes are on him, and Kenma momentarily loses any will to speak.

But he does, as silly as it sounds.

"I don't see anything special about girls," he mumbles and hopes Kuroo can hear, "so I don't know what you see in them, but... I want to go home with you. It was weird not having you around, even if it was nice being able to hear my game for once."

Kuroo frowns at him and Kenma ducks his smile away, wiggling his feet in thought.

Something seems to click with Kuroo in that moment, eyes widening with understanding, and Kenma begins to feel a familiar pool of dread in his stomach.

"Ohoho, so that's what this is about..." Kenma watches him with wide, guarded eyes, and wonders what exactly Kuroo's thinking. The other grins slyly - he'd get used to that being thrown at others - and pats his cheek softly. "It's alright, Kenma, you couldn't get rid of me no matter how much you'd want me gone."

Deja vu.

Kenma gathers all his will to look disappointed at the news, much to Kuroo's mock annoyance, and soaks in those relieving words.


	4. "i'll have you tomorrow, anyway."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> volleyball is what started their friendship, but it's not the only thing that connects them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you really think any of this was chronological
> 
> elementary school years again

Kenma sits on the ground, knowing his mom's gonna have to clean out the mud later, and buries his face in his knees as his heart pounds. He hears the slap of the ball from in front of him, up and down as Kuroo practices keeping it in the air, and props his chin up to watch.

He's tired.

He doesn't want to play anymore.

But if he doesn't, then Kuroo probably wouldn't be his friend... After all, the whole reason they spend time together is because of that ball. And if he said he didn't want to play anymore, then wouldn't their time together stop? For all he complains about Kuroo's annoying insistence on bringing him outside and not leaving him alone even during school, he _did_ appreciate the company. Being lonely is different than being alone.

"Done taking a break yet? Come on, come on, the sun's gonna set soon!" Kuroo crouches down in front of him, the volleyball a frightful reminder, and Kenma averts his eyes from it. He sees the other boy tilt his head from the corner of his eye and the ball's set aside carefully so it doesn't roll. "Kenma?"

Kenma tightens the grip on his legs as he hunches his shoulders, sinking further into himself as he shakes his head. Give him a moment, please. He closes his eyes and hears Kuroo move closer, the small shifting sound, and jerks back when he feels something touch his forehead, wide-eyed and confused. Kuroo frowns and follows, holding out his hand and pressing the back of it to the smaller's forehead.

"Are you okay? You don't look so good. Do you wanna go home? We can grab a snack from the store on the way."

Kenma shakes his head again, even though he'd really like to go home, and mumbles. "You still wanna play, don't you Kuroo?"

"Well, yeah, but if you don't then we don't gotta. I'll have you tomorrow anyway." Kuroo stands up and easily pulls a surprised Kenma up with him, picking up the volleyball. "What do you wanna do? You've got some two player games, right? Let's play some! If you wanna," he adds on at the end, and the younger nods, still kind of shocked. Kuroo squeezes his eyes shut as he grins, like a cat, and takes Kenma's hand to pull him along.

Kenma's not as bothered as he should be when people ask if they're brothers.


End file.
